I'm not sure what I am feeling. I dont know if I'm still in love or just obsessed. Both are shameful feelings that I hate to admit even to myself. SOme days I am so crippled by the thought of her not loving me back as I do her, other days I hate her so much that I feel sorry for the next who falls victim to her lies. And then there are those days where she doesnt cross my mind at all, well, never at all maybe just once or twice, but I dont have any about her one way or the other. Getting over a first love is hard. I can honestly say I'd rather have my period everyday for a year, than feel this shit again. How can I hate her so much for the things she has done then, at the same time, love her more than words can explain? I need to get over her. Thats for sure, cause being in love by yourself is the worst thing that can you can do. Need to get started on this long menstration. The next person will be worthy and more than qualified to fill the position of queen of my heart. I know the job description and what qualities they need to possess. But is it crazy that I want the next person to posses some of the qualities she had? Even the asshole ways? I.D.K! But being in love with someone who is no longer in love with me is not happening. I refuse to hop into a new relationship just because, or to try and keep my mind off of her. I want to get over her on my own. Without the NEED for someone to be there to fill a void. That is so lame, weak bitch shit for real. Some people will disagree but thats only because they know they've been that bitch before. I have too, shit but nap the fuck out of it. I am in love with my ex, this I know. But sit around and waste away because my ghetto fairytale ended I refuse. Well I'm done venting for now....until next time