So todays topic is: "The relationships that made me, me!"
Subtopic: Losing my virginity...
To start, I have always been a sexually curious female. I remember being as young as ten or eleven and watching the late night soft porn on Showtime. Watching these extreme dramatizations of the real thing is probably what made my first time so disappointing.
I was fifteen at the time. I met this guy online, he was nineteen, and yes he was experienced. We weren't in a relationship, hell I didn't even love him, barely liked him. Our "relationship" was late night phone calls, with me attempting to masturbate when, I didn't even know what it was supposed to feel like. I knew what it was like for my hormones to rage, and what made my cookies wet, but attempting to be more mature for my age I did whatever he asked me to do. So eventually I guess he got fed up with listening to the little girl pretend on the phone so he asked me, "When can I get in that?" I told him I didn't know. Not because I was flirting but because I actually didn't know. Was I ready? No. But I wasn't not ready either. Virginity was always so overrated to me anyway. Why does it have to be your first love, your high school sweetheart, and I KNEW I wasn't waiting until marriage. Looking back now, maybe if I had have opted to wait until it was one of those I would've enjoyed it. Well, still not the marriage part. But, back to topic.
I had been babysitting my moms' coworkers son every now and then so I decided, maybe I could sneak him over when the boy was asleep. That's how they did it in the movies, it couldn't hurt anyone. The day I went over to babysit, I had it all planned. Well not really, honestly everything was done in the moment. Anyway the little boy wasn't asleep. Shit! Fuck! Damn! I gave him some hot dogs, put him in his mothers room and turned on a movie.
Bam first obstacle taken care of. By this time my first had just arrived. He knocks on the door and I am so nervous that I hide behind it holding it open, like an idiot. We sat on the couch me blushing for no reason, and then he told me to take my pants off. Wow! All I remember thinking was, "Did I put lotion on today?" I did. I pulled my pants off, and he started to rub his finger on my clit. It felt so weird, like ugh. It didn't feel good or bad, I just didn't see the point. I guess he figured out that I wasn't to excited by this activity so he moved on and told me to go sit on thee "big couch". Damn he was country.
As I did this I could hear him do that tired ass attempt to smell his finger. I wanted to slap him and say, "MY PUSSY IS CLEAN YOU ASSHOLE!!!" But hey better safe than sorry I suppose. He came over and got onhis knees infront of me. "Oh my! I'm about to get ate out?" This is the thing that so many of my friends, aunts, elders have talked about the ULTIMATE orgasm. Yeah I was excited. But He stuck his tongue out a wiggled it rapidly on my clit. What the fuck? I thought to myself, this is what they talked about? It couldnt be. But he applied a little pressure and for a split second it was actually pleasurable. I say split second because that's exactly how long it lasted. It's like as soon as he sensed I enjoyed it, he stopped. I sat straight faced. Pissed. Irritated, ready to call it quits. But I wasn't putting myself up for the grounding and ass-whooping of a lifetime for some pointless fingering, and a unsatisfying sample of head. He told me to get on the floor. No pallet, no mattress, just carpet then me bare-assed. He got on top. And that Saturday November 16, 2002 at approximately nine o' three p.m. est. it began.
He slid in, it barely moved me. He thrust, he pumped, he rammed, all to no satisfaction of mine. I was a virgin, why didn't it hurt? Why aint I bleeding? Do I not have a cherry to be popped? Eight prolonged minutes later he came. The top of my head hurt from him pushing me into the couch. I had been wishing the whole time that somehow I would just slide under there, and escape this bullshit. He got up went to the bathroom. Then he came back and sat on the couch. I handed him the house phone, "You can call your ride now" I said. Not with an attitude but still firm enough so he knew I wasn't joking. He left, and I went to the bathroom to try and figure out what the hell had just happened. And as if it couldn't get any worse, the condom was floating, in the damn toilet.
That was the end of that. He tried to meet up with me again, on another one of my babysitting jobs, but I definately denied him that pleasure. He spared nothing when he told me how last time was my first time, and this time I was gonna enjoy it, because now I knew what it felt like. Yeah the fuck right! We chatted some after that on the phone only, but that quickly ended when in that following month, I found out that the entire time I was talking to him, he had been talking to my cousin. Everytime I went to school, she would either call him or he would call her. He even told me when she came over his house, described her outfit to the tee, EVEN THE FUCKING CAR SHE WAS DRIVING. But whatever, that was the first relationship...
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